Just Randomly Thinking

I was just sitting here  watching tv... watching a movie called Suburban Girl...  some random cheat scene made me think about when my girlfriend cheated on me... I came to her apt all excited... I was gonna cook her breakfast... walked into her room... and in the bed we'd slept in together.. had sex in together... had laughs.. had play... laid her and a girl she'd flirted with at a club....  and the only thing she had to say to me was "why didn't you call"  I had never been more heart broken and pissed off at the same time...  (I've never talked about this before) and even when I cried she didn't even look the least bit sorry... the least bit hurt that she'd hurt me...  The only thing she was worried about was if we were broken up and her key...  even when I tried to work things out.. (give her another chance)...  she was a total cop out...  sent me a text saying how she couldn't do it... couldn't be faithful... so for the first 2 days.. I tried to act like I was okay.. tried not to think about her... I cried, (I'll admit it)... I mean I loved her...  I mean who really wants to hear... "I love you, but I can't be faithful to you.." But I was unbroken... and after a week... She texted me and said she wanted me back... Yet even now.. that we're trying to work it out... I'm trying to trust her... trying to forget...  she wants me to put everything in her... be all in with her... I give her most of me... I give her my love... but my strength... I've learned to keep that for myself...  My family really isn't here for me in this... in this relationship... so I have to be strong for me... be prepared for the worst... at any day... any moment love could let you down... sending you on this downward spiral of tears... and brick wall bending..  all I ever wanna do is love a person... and they generally love me without hurting me.... deeply or shallow... I don't need anymore pain in my life... I can't only hope that she's truly can be faithful to me... or even better... to herself... As thus far... she has... everyday I love her more... wanna sex her more (lol) and want to take along w/me as I complete my bucket list... and vice versa... Things are just hard right now... but.. when it's all said in done... we're different... but then... not really...